Posted by: nflanders | December 29, 2008

New Wry Meme

Well, I have a lot more free time on my hands right now, what with being fired and all, so I might as well resurrect ye olde blogge. I noticed Wry had a meme up, and you know I can’t resist. Here is my version; I have bolded the experiences I have actually had.

1. Started your own blog (this is kind of existential, huh?)
2. Slept under the stars (not by choice; it was Pioneer Trek and all we got was a tarp to pull over us)
3. Played in a band (I quit drum lessons in the second grade; I think I missed my calling)
4. Visited Hawaii (went a couple of times with Maude; the big island is the way to go)
5. Watched a meteor shower (I never know where to look; plus, it’s cold at night)
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (what can I say? I’m a bad, bad person)
7. Been to Disneyland/world (unfortunately both; I guess I liked it at the time)
8. Climbed a mountain (Boy Scouts; I was 13. I urinated off the summit; I’m not sure why)
9. Held a praying mantis (is this really a common experience?)
10. Sung a solo (I am tone-deaf. That didn’t stop me and my missionary companion from singing the Ramones’ “I Wanna Be Sedated” at the ward talent show. We were booed by our own investigators)
11. Bungee jumped (would like to; haven’t found anywhere to do it)
12. Visited Paris (for like 20 hours when I was 15)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (who am I, Billy Budd?)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (An art? Like blacksmithing?)
15. Adopted a child (have talked a lot about it)
16. Had food poisoning (Oh God yes. Argentine barbecue; I was in the bathroom for two hours. The toilet couldn’t handle toilet paper, so there was a little garbage can for used TP)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (I only made it halfway; we couldn’t wait any longer on the line to file past the windows in the crown)
18. Grown your own vegetables (I don’t even mow my own grass)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (nope; I heard it’s kind of small)
20. Slept on an overnight train (overnight train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. It was hot during the day, but got freezing at night. There was only one blanket and it reeked of urine. In the morning, I asked my travelling companions if their blankets were the same. Nope, just mine.)
21. Had a pillow fight (I have siblings)
22. Hitch hiked (I got picked up once on the way home from middle school by a lady and her daughter; I told myself I could leap out of the car if they turned out to be kidnappers. There turned out to be no door handle on the inside. Suprisingly, I was not, in fact, kidnapped.)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (Often, but I usually feel so guilty/nervous about lying the next day that I never end up enjoying it. And somehow, they always seem to know.)
24. Built a snow fort (grew up in Utah)
25. Held a lamb (Is this some sort of sport I’m not aware of?)
26. Gone skinny dipping (Uh, no. Sounds uncomfortable, for everyone)
27. Run a Marathon (I once drove nearly 26.2 miles)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (Yes, but only standing up in one of those canal-crossing gondolas. I’m not made of money)
29. Seen a total eclipse (Yes, and it took away my superpowers)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (although I hate sunrise; it means I’m either up too early or up too late)
31. Hit a home run (I was not the power-hitter of my little league team. I may have gotten a hit once or twice)
32. Been on a cruise (I would like to go on one of those Baltic cruises. As long as it’s Norwalk-free.)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (upstate NY is not on my short-list of vacation spots)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (nein; I would like to visit Cardiff and Glasgow, though)
35. Seen an Amish community (I’ve seen Mose Schrute)
36. Taught yourself a new language (good luck with that)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (hah!)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person (Of course. But when I saw it, they still weren’t letting people up in it)
39. Gone rock climbing (I don’t like the outdoors; especially the pointy parts)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David (This list seems to have been compiled after someone’s trip to Italy)
41. Sung karaoke (Tone-deaf, remember?)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt (more times than I wanted to; I have to admit, it’s pretty faithful)
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant (that’s just creepy)
44. Visited Africa (would like to see the pyramids)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (sounds like a good way to end up in #46)
46. Been transported in an ambulance (see #45)
47. Had your portrait painted (My grandma, god knows why, commissioned a portrait of us grandchildren when we were young. It looks creepy as hell.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing (I prefer to just order it at the restaurant).
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person (yes, but it really strains your neck. They need to have some sort of bed you can lie on.)
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (yes, but I didn’t see Simon LeBon there)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (in Hawaii; it was amazing)
52. Kissed in the rain (that’s just silly; get an umbrella)
53. Played in the mud (I’ve blocked most of my childhood out)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater (Nope, never been to the Redwood Drive-In.)
55. Been in a movie (I was the star of my friend’s film school project, called “One Fine Day.” In it, I play a depressed worker. As I walk along the streets of New York, Elmo from Sesame Street appears to me, and gives me a 40 oz. bottle of malt liquor to cheer me up. The end. I swear to God I’m not making this up. I was in a class the next semester and one of the students recognized me from the movie.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China (Will visit when #57 takes off)
57. Started a business (selling what?)
58. Taken a martial arts class (Nope.)
59. Visited Russia (Went on a University trip. Some genius decided to schedule it for the first two weeks of January. My face has only recently thawed.)
60. Served at a soup kitchen (I am a bad, bad person. I get uncomfortable in volunteering situations)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Maybe this can be my #57. I hate that you can only get these once a year.)
62. Gone whale watching (No. Might be fun, though.)
63. Gotten flowers for no reason (I’ll take it up with Maude)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (They would never take it; said I was a risk for Mad Cow Disease. I think they don’t care anymore.)
65. Gone sky diving (I would like to; definitely on the list)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (Nope.)
67. Bounced a check (No, my dad would kill me.)
68. Flown in a helicopter (Nope.)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (I don’t think so; I would think it would probably be pretty gross by now anyway)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (good stuff)
71. Eaten Caviar (I’m sure it wasn’t the good stuff)
72. Pieced a quilt (please)
73. Stood in Times Square (I used to commute through Times Square, but I was usually late for work, so I didn’t look up)
74. Toured the Everglades (I believe this is located outdoors; you know my feelings on that.)
75. Been fired from a job (Yay! The last two weeks haven’t been for nothing!)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London (Nope.)
77. Broken a bone (My sister’s friend launched me into the air when I was five and I broke both bones in my arm)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (I’d be afraid I would lean the wrong way into a curve. Plus, I can never get Hank Hill’s voice out of my head: “But Peggy, that’s the ‘bitch’ seat.”)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Seems hot. And outdoors.)
80. Published a book (Ha.)
81. Visited the Vatican (It’s crowded.)
82. Bought a brand new car (Totally worth it.)
83. Walked in Jerusalem (Nope. Nor have I been driven.)
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (Does the front page of the Church News count? No? Tough.)
85. Read the entire Bible (I gave up somewhere in Lamentations. Give it a rest, already.)
86. Visited the White House (I got as far as the fence. I think they had cancelled the White House tours when I lived there.)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (oh hell no)
88. Had chickenpox (hasn’t everyone? I don’t remember it, though)
89. Saved someone’s life (Elton John’s, maybe.)
90. Sat on a jury (Never been called. I guess I move too often.)
91. Met someone famous (I saw Chris Noth on the subway once. Other than that, I got nothing.)
92. Joined a book club (The work one was reading A Thousand Splendid Suns.)
93. Lost a loved one (I think this is bad luck to answer)
94. Had a baby (see previous post)
95. Seen the Alamo in person (I have not visited any portion of Texas not located within the Dallas-Fort Worth terminal)
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (It smells so gross that I can’t believe people actually do it. I’d rather just buy some salt and stick it in the tub)
97. Been involved in a lawsuit (also bad luck)
98. Owned a cell phone (is this meme from 1997?)
99. Been stung by a bee (my dislike of the outdoors has finally come in handy!)

These memes are awfully long, no? And apparently written by someone who wanted to brag about their trip to Italy. But what else have I got to do? Nothing, that’s what. Thank God I have a couple more weeks of vacation pay coming!



  1. Sorry about the job. :\

    Funny stuff. I laughed at many of your answers. 1997? I, indeed, do not own a cell phone.

  2. No cell phone, Wendy?!? I knew there were a couple of you still out there, but I assumed they didn’t use the internet either.

    Of course, I use my phone’s calculator to compute gas mileage more than I actually use it to call people. But I COULD if I actually had friends, use it to call them. I just need that possibility.

  3. Ah, it’s lame to be fired. Even when you hate your job. I’ve only had it happen once (it was a temp job and after the second week or so the guy had nothing for me to do. I was literally playing solitaire on the computer when he called me into his office). I hope this opens the door for something better.

    How’s little Rod these days?

  4. Thanks, lchan. Little Rod is doing great. He’s got to get some innoculations tomorrow, so I feel bad for the little guy.

  5. I had no idea you had revisited your blog. EVERY DAY, I used to check EVERY SINGLE DAY. And then the minute I get busy and distracted, you post TWO new posts. I have to get back into my unhealthy rut again.

    Your version of this meme is hilarious, as you always are. I didn’t know you lived in NYC, too — I am guessing we didn’t overlap times though. Since I am so old and all.

    Sorry about the job, Ned Flanders. You still rah-diddly-ock. Meh, they suck. And you do not.

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