Posted by: nflanders | May 6, 2008

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour…

There’s something deeply depressing about realizing that you’re not very good at your job. I mean, I’m good enough not to get fired, but that’s it. It’s not a hard job, it’s just that I can’t concentrate. I stay up late at night reading, posting this entry, doing anything to try to forget that tomorrow I have to go back to work. I get four or five hours of sleep, and then I can’t focus the next day, and the cycle continues.

What sucks is that 95% of the earth’s inhabitants would kill to have my job. They’re struggling for survival and I’m depressed. It’s obscene. Sometimes I think I will be happier if I accept that I will never be happy. Actually, I feel a little better after typing that sentence. There are so many things I want to do before my brain turns to mush and my body falls apart, and yet the only thing I must do is work 8 hours. And it seems like that is the only thing that ever gets done. Half-assed, but still, I’m there.

What if I’m that guy that’s terrible at every job he gets? I don’t want to be that guy. 

I have five hours before my alarm goes off. Another day of mediocrity awaits.

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Responses

  1. Well what did you always dream at doing? Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do, but never thought you could?

    Just something to think about.

    I’m still not at all sure what I’m going to do to make money. I’m still trying to decide between 4-5 rather different careers, and indeed I may decide to do one, and then switch to another, or end up doing two or three at once. All I know is that I’m going to do something I love, even if it doesn’t make me rich.

  2. I totally could have written this post. In fact, I have. A number of times. It sucks. I’m really sorry. Truly.

  3. I like my new purple icon. Seems a little gay though…

  4. Craig– I like your positive attitude. I think that nowadays, no one sticks with just one career, so you’re safe to keep your options open.

    My problem is that I don’t think I’d be very good at anything I actually like. That, and the fact that reading library books isn’t a career. Not unless you’re Michiko Kakutani.

    Wry– I was hoping you’d have the answer!

    Craig– I like the new icons, but what is going on with WordPress? Very odd.

  5. My problem is that I don’t think I’d be very good at anything I actually like.

    That is a problem.

    That, and the fact that reading library books isn’t a career. Not unless you’re Michiko Kakutani.

    I really have no clue who that is. My first thought was you could be the new host for the show “Reading Rainbow”. It’s a thought.

  6. She is the main book critic for the New York Times. Many people think she is too, erm, critical.

    My ideal job would be clerk in a used book store. That way I could read the merchandise without any problems. Unfortunately, I think Amazon is going to kill off all of those. Not to mention that I like being able to afford food.


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